Early in 2024, my family received the terrible news that my grandfather “Papa” was diagnosed with cancer, and was given just a few months to live. Papa lived in Texas, with most of our family members, and the rest of us were in Nebraska. We each took turns visiting him and helping my Aunt take care of him as she moved him into her home, but still worked full time from her home office.
I was in complete shock when I arrived and went to see Papa’s house (where he wasn’t staying anymore). It was filthy, it smelled bad, and it didn’t feel at all like the place I had visited every year of my childhood. There were more pill bottles than I have ever seen in my life, which as a former hospice nurse, is saying something. There were messes from the dog all over the rugs and carpet. There were bugs in the bedrooms. The food in the refrigerator and cabinets were expired. There were corners of the house with blood stains where he had bumped his head or elbows and, thanks to his blood thinners, had left evidence behind. There was so much clutter in his home, and my father was convinced Papa never threw anything away for the past 10 years or so. After Papa passed away a couple months later, the whole family teamed up to clean the house, and the extent of the clutter, collections, and overall dirtiness came to light.
If Papa had not been diagnosed with cancer, would we have all known how bad it was? I have seen this pattern in many of my clients over the years. I believe when people start to lose their independence or their functionality, they hold on to what they have. They collect the things they have, they isolate or limit exposure to their homes so nobody knows. They don’t cook for themselves anymore, and rely heavily on take out and restaurant food. They limit bathing to once a week or less. They aren’t physically able to clean the way they could before, and they are scared or unwilling to ask for help. Pet messes go ignored, because pain and disability make it too difficult to clean up. Complex medication regimens often result in missing medication doses, or even overdose.
Papa was an organized, clean, and tidy man before he became more frail and sick. He would have been so embarrassed of the condition that we found his home, the home he and his wife raised their three children in over the course of 50+ years. This was his home, and he just wasn’t able to live there safely anymore. My family was blessed that my Aunt had the space and the dedication to take care of him in her home, so he never had to move to a Senior Community, but often that is not the case.
For those who don’t have a family member who can take on that incredible load, we have Home Care. True North Care Providers can help with light housekeeping, do dishes, take out the trash, wipe down counters, meal prep, throw away expired food, make sure the pet gets fed and let out to toilet. Help clean up accidents and messes, help make sure bills get paid and ensure medications are taken as ordered. True North Care Providers can help with bathing/showering, dressing, toileting, shaving, and even getting in and out of bed if that is a challenge. Home Care is an incredible resource that can help clients like my Papa stay safe, happy, and clean at home.
If you notice that someone you love isn’t able to keep the house or themselves like they used to, I would love to have a dignified and respectful conversation with you and the individual, to discuss how True North Care Providers can be an answered prayer.
-Kayla Nelson, RN
